Monday, June 18, 2012

The vessel: Robert

God is really funny sometimes, last week I thought I knew I was going to speak because right when we got to church pastor Benjamin told me that I was going to speak at a different church. then as Harrison so capably described earlier, God had a different plan. This week again I thought I was going to speak but I thought I was going to go to church early and just talk to the leadership before Church. So that would have to be pretty early in the morning, around 8 am. So when I woke up at 7:30 got out of bed and dressed and started getting prepared. But then 8 rolled around and we were just starting breakfast. Another thing that was weird was that we hadn't heard from Benjamin all morning so we thought that he had taken care of the leadership team prep and I was no longer needed to talk.  It was really confirmed in my mind when Ciara told us right as we were getting on the bus at around 9:15 that Benjamin had sent her a text asking us where we were. So I was walking into church pretty relaxed although kinda tired but not really worrying about anything. I thought God was teaching me not to have expectations and to just be ready to see what he has in store for me. He was, just not in the way that I was expecting. So we walk into church and worship has already started so we set our things down and started dancing to the music. Then we sit down for a bit to listen to a pastor talk for a bit. While he is talking I decide to journal a  bit because I have just recently finished a book called "The Transforming Power of the Gospel" and there was a really deep part in the book that I was really needing to wrap my head around. So I open up my journal and start to really try and remember the application of the chapter when Ciara walks back to our row and says "By the way you are about to preach so just fyi..." and walks off. Immediately my stomach like turns and I begin to worry and get nervous because I had already concluded that I wasn't speaking today but like I said earlier God had a different plan.  But the funny part about it was that in the book I was reading 2 of the sins that it tries to highlight because in our lives we don't really see them as that terrible of sins which makes them incredibly dangerous as disguised pride. So right as I am about to preach God's word he decides to convict my heart so clearly that I know it was his purpose for this set of events to happen from the very beginning. He wanted me to see how pervasive anxiety and worry had become in my life even without me realizing it. So at this point I wasn't even thinking about what I was going to say in the sermon anymore. So I just sit there and say "You know what God, despite my best efforts, I am totally unprepared and forced to rely on you for this talk, take this anxiety and worry from me and speak your word." Then they called me up and I totally forgot to check all of the notes that I had prepared a week earlier and just read the scriptures and said what was on my heart but the really good part was that the scripture was the story of Gideon and my sermon was on how God uses imperfect servants to accomplish his will. I told you God was funny.

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